I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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