She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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