bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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