YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
