No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am midnight drunk by noon
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
