I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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