I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
