my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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