So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
