Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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