"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
