Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
