woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
