This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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