i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
