i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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