Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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