Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
