And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
