dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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