currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
