I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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