i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
