We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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