At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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