We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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