the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
