I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
