i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
