His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
