my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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