How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
