Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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