there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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