why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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