A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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