i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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