She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
