What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
