i was born a porn star she said
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
