At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
