I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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