i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
