What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
