I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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