That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
