You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
