Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
