He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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