Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
