turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
