ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
