you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
