All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
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We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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