I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
foreskin is a definite game changer
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
